A quick note today to let y’all know that I’m here, despite my lack of transmission. I’ll admit I’ve had a rough couple of weeks, which is why I haven’t felt like communicating. Getting good news from the CT scan was wonderful, but I can’t help wondering how long it will last. Cancer is smart and sneaky. Usually the drugs only work for a short period of time before things start moving forward again, so I feel a bit like I’m tiptoeing through a minefield. At any rate, I’m starting to recover from my most recent chemo session and looking forward to a little break — five weeks to be exact. I have officially been cleared by my oncologist and the lab running the clinical trial to go on vacation, a trip I’ve had planned for a year. I will be heading to Europe for two weeks with three of my favorite people…my sister, my step-mom, and my best friend of 18 years. This is a major win for me on many levels and I’m finally allowing myself to be excited about it. I have one more hurdle to cross before I go — I have to pass a lab test next week for blood counts and liver function, but so far on this chemo I have had pretty good numbers so I’m hoping that will continue. I’ve never left my son for more than two nights, so that is going to be terribly hard for me. Thank goodness for technology, I’ll be able to FaceTime with him regularly.

So that’s an update from me for now, but I’m going to leave you with a short poem and a reminder for myself and all of you — enjoy the beauty of today and worry not about tomorrow for it doesn’t yet exist.

Living
by Denise Levertov

The fire in leaf and grass
so green it seems
each summer the last summer.

The wind blowing, the leaves
shivering in the sun,
each day the last day.

A red salamander
so cold and so
easy to catch, dreamily

moves his delicate feet
and long tail. I hold
my hand open for him to go.

Each minute the last minute.